on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I smell stomach acid.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
