You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize