The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
