fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Houston, we have a squirter
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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