I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
