All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
