Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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