Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
