just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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