just come out here and I will go home with you...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize