when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. ðŸ˜
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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