I'm lost and stupid without you.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
