That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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