I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
