I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Please, let me fuck your mom
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
