i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize