I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
