we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
