My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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