I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
