if only i could text you this smell
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
