im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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