dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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