only if we run a train.
done.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
