the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
