..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
