Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
