Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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