I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
