It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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