I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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