I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
