She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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