worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize