i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Watching her eat just hurts me
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
