I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
