We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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