it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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