I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
