Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
