my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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