I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
if only i could text you this smell
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Ketchup is God's man juice
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
