we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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