I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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