i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
