OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
