I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize