So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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