Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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