Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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