Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
