Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
