Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
