And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
