I bet he comes in French.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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