I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
