This is not my ceiling
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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