Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Randomize
