The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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