Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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