it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
