It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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