Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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