STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
