quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
