honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
