i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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