I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
