dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
is wine microwaveable?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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