My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
