apparently the secret to your success is patron
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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