his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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