A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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