just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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