I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
areolas are like halos for boobs.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
