Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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