i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
