I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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