I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
