can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize