i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
