i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
