Dual....:-)
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
