my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
