what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
