I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
