During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
