He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
