There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
