she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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