in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
