i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
