I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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