Porn is love you can see.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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