I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Randomize
