i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
