i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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