in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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