hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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