how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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