my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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