um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
