Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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