I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
