she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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