so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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